The fired person is then sent packing in a taxi, and the final few seconds are dedicated to letting them vent as they mutter about how so-and-so didn’t pull their socks up on that last project and it’s totally unfair that they got the boot instead.

I hear there’s a new celebrity version now with the likes of Gene Simmons from KISS, boxer Lennox Lewis and actor (down and out, presumably) Stephen Baldwin. Surely Trumpy would be too scared to fire Lewis in case of an uppercut flying his way.

It got me thinking about other celebrities I’d like to see on the show, and how they’d fail to meet the Trumpster’s expectations. Imagine him, all suited and toupeed and pursed little grey lips, announcing the following:

“Paris, the sex tape was a real money spinner but it wasn’t an original idea and I didn’t see you out there selling it! You’re fired.”

“George, you’ve wasted your budget on silly wars and can’t even talk straight to the camera! You’re fired.”

“Lindsay, you’ve spent 90% of the show in rehab. You seem a lovely girl but haven’t shown me what you can do outside the clubs. You’re fired.”

“Tom, you have a winning smile and play hard, but you can’t seem to keep work and that oddball alien religion separate. People just don’t like you anymore. You’re fired.”

“Oprah, you have a lot of ideas but you just talk, and talk, and talk. I can’t hear myself think! You’re fired.”

[Looking in mirror] “Don, you remind me of myself, you young, handsome scallywag. You’re hired!”

• employed full-time?
• employed part-time?
• self-employed?
• something else?

I am a contractor, so I undertake various projects – web and writing related – for an hourly rate. Sometimes I work from home, sometimes I’m in an office. I used to be employed full-time and, who knows, maybe I will be again in the future. This blog is very much a side earner from the ads displayed and some contract work that has come my way because of it.

Where/how do you work? What kind of work do you do?

Examples:

• Writing and editing. Yup, you do this. File under ‘Content Management’.
• Time management. Getting into the habit of posting regularly requires being a bit organized and rather dedicated.
• Patience. Building a blog is not an overnight project. Yet here you are, still at it.
• Online advertising. Running affiliate ads on your site? Sponsored posts?
• Analysis. Checking your stats every five minutes to see your traffic and who’s linked to you today?
• Marketing. You promote your site via comments, link trains, directories and more.
• Social networking. You make new contacts and build relationships.
• Coding. You tweak add-ons and colors on your site.
• “Web 2.0″. Whatever that means. Put it on your resume, because if you’re blogging you’re a part of it.
• SEO. You try and make your site search engine friendly by considering keywords and titles.

Truth is, if you’re a blogger you’ve probably picked up a truckload of web skills that you might not even be aware of. They all take initiative and creative thinking. Can you think of any others?

PS. Coincidentally (I swear), Gospel Rhys has written a similar post today called Blogging To Get A Job.

Take the Beijing CBD window cleaner…

… or the South American Scissors Dancer. Ouch!

I’ve never had a job remotely that bad. I’ve had paper-shuffling positions, cold-call telemarketing interludes, waitressing to rude French aristocrats, a memorable day – and my first and only firing – on a brand new job where I spilled hot candle wax on a customer. (It was a candle store, before you get any ideas.)

The above jobs were all undertaken as a student to feed myself whilst learning about Chaucer and post-modern American poetry. I still don’t understand post-modern American poetry, and I was never quite convinced that the lecturers did, either. But the jobs gave me some useful skills: paper shuffling, a fabulous telephone manner, balancing coffee cups and the ability to light candles without burning the house down.

What’s the worst job you’ve had?

If you are unsure what Google AdWords is, and whether it’s worth signing up, click here to see a post I wrote about it a while back. But basically it’s paying (per click) to advertise on Google or on sites that run Google ads. You control the keywords and your daily spend, among other things.

What is a Google Advertising Professional?

A GAP is someone who has enough experience with AdWords to take a test and pass it, as well as meeting the other requirements. Once that’s done, they’re officially recognized by Google as a Qualified Individual (see below for the benefits). The procedure is:

• You pay $50 to sit the test and you must pass with 75% or higher.
• Visit their Learning Center and read/watch the tutorials about AdWords, AdSense and Analytics.
• Set up a My Client Center page in Your AdWords account where you manage your own campaigns and/or someone else’s for at least 90 days.
• Have spent the equivalent of about $1000 on the campaigns during that time (if you are an experienced AdWords user you should at least make that money back through whatever your conversion goal is – subscribers, sales etc).

Why bother?

• It’s another income source.
  
• More and more businesses want to advertise on Google but don’t have the pay-per-click advertising know-how. Help them!
• It’s a qualification that isn’t too hard to achieve if you’re familiar with AdWords or are willing to learn, and gives you more knowledge about how to run Analytics and AdSense as well.
• You’ve given access to an official logo, your own Status Page and marketing tools to help with future campaigns and attract more clients.
• If you enjoy stuff like affiliate marketing, PPC advertising, checking stats, selecting keywords and all that sort of geekery, you’ll have fun!

How do you use your qualification, Rich Minx?

To be honest, I haven’t really built up my Status Page or worked very hard on my own campaigns lately (which are affiliate-related) since taking off on this world trip I’m on, but my GAP has helped me market myself on my resumé and meant that a few people/companies have trusted me to manage their campaigns this year.

Interested? Sign up for the GAP exam, or sign up for AdWords.

And I once had a five-minute interview in Germany for an English teaching job (my first) with the most prestigious language school in town. I got that job too, but I was amazed at how little time they spent talking to me.

I’ve also interviewed people for jobs as they sat shaking in front of me.

The truth is, job interviews can be nasty, demeaning procedures. You’re judged by your appearance, your responses, your body language, and anything else that comes to light in the 20-minute-odd meeting. Then you have to wait for the verdict, which can take weeks or even months.

But the thing that surprised me most when I interviewed job applicants was that 90% had not prepared. They knew little about the company; they provided weak answers to important questions; their resume was filled with typos and other errors (and the job they wanted involved writing and editing!).

I am not an expert when it comes to finding a job, but I’ve had enough experience to relay this advice:

• Research the company
• Prepare your answers to expected questions
• Think long and hard about why you want the job
• Think long and hard about what you have to offer
• Get your resume proof-read or professionally made over
• Prepare some smart questions to ask
• Take along any references, examples of your work etc to win them over
• Send a brief thank-you email after the interview
• Follow up (politely) if you don’t hear back
• If you miss out, ask for feedback and if appropriate ask to be considered for future openings

That’s my 2c, but I’d be happy to hear yours. PS. Being headhunted is awesome but doesn’t happen every day.

There are ethical concerns when it comes to making money, specifically. There are so many ways to make money now, especially online, but not all of them are respectable.

Consider these ‘make you go hmm’ questions:

• Would you recommend a product you either haven’t tried or don’t like?
• Would you link from your site to someone or something you don’t respect?
• Would you manipulate your audience (by lying, exaggerating, false linking etc) to increase your revenue?
• Would you make yourself appear ridiculous for money? This isn’t unethical but it sure is uncomfortable!
• Would you be kind to someone (a boss, for example) even if they weren’t kind to you, out of fear of losing your job?

I have probably been guilty of some of these at some stage, particularly when I was a poor student willing to take on any odd jobs for extra cash – once I wore a fruit costume to hand out muesli bars – or work in low-level service jobs with sadistic managers/chefs who delighted in tormenting the staff.

These days I’m rather less willing to dress up or be whacked with wooden spoons, because there are better ways I can make money. But I still try and keep ethics in mind if signing up for the latest ‘make money fast’ scheme.

What about you? What random things have you done for money, and what questions do you ask yourself before you promote a product or take on a job?

On the other hand, I do often enjoy office culture especially if I’m working with like-minded people. Some become friends. And I like getting up in the morning, having somewhere to be and feeling part of a team. So I wouldn’t say office jobs were all bad, it’s just that sometimes I get cubicle fever.

If you’ve seen Office Space (pictured, and one of my favorite movies of all time) you’ll know what I’m talking about:

• The printer that permanently jams
• The banal paperwork and data entry that must be completed
• The tinny-voiced receptionist
• The offensive co-worker(s)
• The unbearable, coffee-sipping, braces-wearing boss, or even worse, bosses
• The tiny cubicle in a sea of tiny cubicles
• The annoying repetition: “Somebody’s got a case of the Mondays…”

Basically, unless something incredible happens to halt such mind-numbing insanity like [see Office Space, which should be required viewing for anyone who's done time in a cubicle cage], then you have the following options:

• Find a company where they trust staff to work their own hours, including from home if appropriate
• Start your own business on the side and grow it
• Get promoted to manager and work 8-7!

Too cynical? Are you stuck in a day job you hate, or have you escaped to a better life? Do tell.

Perks I’ve had in jobs (or as a result of jobs):

• Overseas accommodation. When I was teaching overseas I made friends with students from all around the world who said I was always welcome in their country. Handy contacts for a frequent traveler!
• TV. I’ve worked in a job where watching TV was compulsory. Yay! (Same with Internet, but I now consider that a right more than a perk.)
• Development courses. Some workplaces have encouraged me to upskill and would happily send me off on paid courses like How to Make Awesome Coffee and Answer the Phone Like You Mean It.
• Free magazines. Working for a magazine company means you get all the mags for free, on your desk. Sweet.
• Free makeup, free movie tickets, food, books, CDs… Being a reviewer can be a handy thing.
• Pension scheme. Sadly I didn’t stick around long enough for it to add up to more than $1500 (hardly a life of abundance as an old lady). But I did invest it into Google and it’s growing…

Perks I haven’t had yet but would like to:

• Paid trips overseas. I’ve been paid for writing while traveling but never actually sent anywhere for anything. It can backfire though; friends of mine who’ve done it for work report that it can be exhausting with crap conditions. Still…
• Salary bonuses. I have yet to work somewhere where employees get an annual bonus depending on how well the company has performed.
• Stocks in the company. If it’s a good company.
• Company car. Although that probably means you’re expected to drive around to a lot of yawnfest meetings.

What about you? Had any perks at work or seeking any? C’mon people, I’ve turned off Don’t Follow tags in comments, so don’t be a shy lurker!

I’d been working for a company for 12 months. I’d recently been given more responsibility and work so I felt I deserved more than my current wage. I prepared my speech, making a list of my achievements, new skills I’d acquired and the latest changes to my role. I made an appointment with my manager and wore a black power outfit to work that day. I was going to be firm. I was going to be awesome.

Trouble was, my manager was a quite intimidating figure, always super-smooth and controlled, with an intense stare which either threw me into silence or reduced me to a stuttering mess. So the conversation went like this:

Manager: Hi there [warm smile]. Now, I realise you’re looking for some clarity regarding your role and workload. We’re looking for someone who can blah blah blah. Do you think you’d be able to help us with that?
Me: Oh, yes definitely. I’m always willing to take on new challenges. I also fe–
Manager: Great. Well, we’ll really appreciate your involvement. Now I have a meeting, so–
Me: It’s just… I really-feel-that-with-this-extra-workload-I-deserve-a-pay rise [I swear, here my voice rose to an unfamiliar squeak, like the teenage boy on The Simpsons. My hands shook, my face flushed... it was not how I'd imagined!].
Manager: [Sighing heavily] We really don’t have the budget at the moment. But in three months’ time…
Me: [Meekly] Okay.

Now, it turned out that in three months’ time I did get a good pay rise. But I still don’t feel I handled the situation well enough. I hadn’t agreed on a fixed increase and nothing was in writing, so it was really good luck that that amount came through.

It’s all about having:

• A killer resume. It’s all in the presentation. No hearts or stickers.
• References. Always ask for a reference, they’re handy things.
• Business cards. I’ve never had them and I keep reading that every self-respecting worker should get some made.
• Done my homework. What are people in similar positions making?
• A power outfit. Doesn’t have to cost the earth, just so I feel good and look good.
• Faith in myself.

What about you? Any experiences with salary negotiations?