I’ve never been sporty. Bookish, and always last-picked in PE class at school, I shunned all such things while growing up and used to spend every Sports Day sunbathing while assuring the teacher that yes, I had signed up for the high jump (I hadn’t).

But I surprised myself by enjoying today. I ran with a friend round the bays, the sky was a cool grey and the water was glassy smooth, there were thousands of other people all good-naturedly doing the same thing and there was no noisy, smelly traffic. At the end there was a photographer, a Finish line (well, duh) and random cheering people. Plus some well-earned food.

It’s another step towards the half marathon which I’m going to run in June. Today felt reasonably easy, so with more training a 21km run shouldn’t be too hard. It’s definitely inspired me to push myself further.

Nike, I’m up for sponsorship talks. Call me.

The fired person is then sent packing in a taxi, and the final few seconds are dedicated to letting them vent as they mutter about how so-and-so didn’t pull their socks up on that last project and it’s totally unfair that they got the boot instead.

I hear there’s a new celebrity version now with the likes of Gene Simmons from KISS, boxer Lennox Lewis and actor (down and out, presumably) Stephen Baldwin. Surely Trumpy would be too scared to fire Lewis in case of an uppercut flying his way.

It got me thinking about other celebrities I’d like to see on the show, and how they’d fail to meet the Trumpster’s expectations. Imagine him, all suited and toupeed and pursed little grey lips, announcing the following:

“Paris, the sex tape was a real money spinner but it wasn’t an original idea and I didn’t see you out there selling it! You’re fired.”

“George, you’ve wasted your budget on silly wars and can’t even talk straight to the camera! You’re fired.”

“Lindsay, you’ve spent 90% of the show in rehab. You seem a lovely girl but haven’t shown me what you can do outside the clubs. You’re fired.”

“Tom, you have a winning smile and play hard, but you can’t seem to keep work and that oddball alien religion separate. People just don’t like you anymore. You’re fired.”

“Oprah, you have a lot of ideas but you just talk, and talk, and talk. I can’t hear myself think! You’re fired.”

[Looking in mirror] “Don, you remind me of myself, you young, handsome scallywag. You’re hired!”

I’m used to being treated in a racist manner, and while I was miffed about not being allowed in the AdSense referral club anymore, I didn’t actually have it on my site so I didn’t cry into my pillow or anything.

But Darren is clearly upset, and fair enough. First he read about it on Google’s blog, and then he received one of those impersonal, ‘no-reply’ emails. After all the referrals he sent them for AdSense!

It reminds me – in a very random sense – of that TV show Big Love, about the polygamous Fundamentalists in Utah. Google had all these relationships, but is now casting people aside because it doesn’t need them anymore. That results in hurt and anger. Haven’t you heard of Fatal Attraction, Google?

(Disclaimer: Rich Minx means Google no harm, wishes them all the best and will not touch their pet rabbit.) 

Although I have one of his albums, I wasn’t convinced Jose’s sound would work in a live environment; after all, it’s just one man and his guitar. But I was wrong; it gave me goosebumps (the music, not being wrong).

His performance stood out all the more after seeing the second opening group that preceded him. I don’t even know who they were, because they didn’t greet the audience or introduce themselves, and the only communication they attempted was mumbling to each other during songs. Perhaps they were shy, but it only came across as surliness. I’ve seen better people skills from Axl Rose.

Jose, on the other hand, did introduce himself, explained where he was from, praised how beautiful our town was (I know, they all do that, but it seemed sincere), remembered to thank the opening bands and us for coming and then did a big encore. Haunting voice. Very good.

However, I was feeling like some Saturday slush so lay on the couch for a bit today watching Nicole Kidman’s E! True Hollywood Story. It was only an hour long; that woman definitely needs more scandal in her life. And it taught me nothing new at all, apart from confirming just how much of a bubblehead Tom Cruise is. Here’s his concise reflection on his time making the Kubrick brain-scratcher Eyes Wide Shut: “It was just really…wow… you know… just an incredible…” Clearly he had as little idea as the rest of us regarding what the hollywood was going on in that movie.

Anyway, it got me imagining what my own True Hollywood Story would look like. Would it include multiple shots of me grinning at film premieres in different expensive dresses? *sigh* There would have to be at least two husbands, some drug addiction, an accident of some kind that put me in hospital, noble charity work and definitely a big award; an Oscar, for example.

While none of those tie in exactly with my resolutions for the year, you just never know what curveballs life will throw. You never see True Hollywood Stories about bloggers, but there’s always a first time. True Bloggywood Stories?

Having Beckham in town is quite exciting. Where is he staying? Where is he eating? What is he thinking? There has been much sporting-hero-or-annoying-celebrity debate, but overall football has been the winner on the day.  Posh’s absence was felt, though.

Last night’s game was Beckham’s LA Galaxy team vs Wellington home team the Phoenix, who lost 1-4 (at least we got one goal, though). Loyalties were divided – most of us supported Phoenix, but still cheered whenever Becks had the ball. Poor Becks was suffering from a wee bit of bronchitis and clutched at his chest every now and again, but still played through. What a trooper.

Highlights

• Beckham yelling at the ref over a penalty
• Beckham scoring a goal (no bending, though)
• The female streaker who got tackled at the corner post – although it turned out she was hired as a publicity stunt for a lame ad company
• Beckham taking his shirt off at the end – of course! What tattoos. What abs. Not that I was looking, of course – I’m just reporting on what others were saying in a non-biased manner.

I wonder if it’s irksome for the rest of the Galaxy team that all the chants were about Beckham, all the cheers were for him, plus he got that massive signup fee (a reported US$250m) and most people had paid just to see him. Still, it puts more attention on the game and less on rugby here in NZ which I think is a bloody good thing; last night’s turnout – 30K – set a local record for football.

It’s hot here, and I was going to write a post called ‘Ways to Blog on Hot Sunny Days’ but then I remembered I live on the arse end of the world (or at least, its attractive derriere) and that would have irked my northern hemisphere readers, who number about 85% of my readership, so I need to consider that.

Don’t mention the War Summer.

Instead, here are 5 things you can learn from America’s Next Top Model (hugely enlightening and should be on the must-watch list of any discerning TV viewer).

 1. Being bitchy will keep you on the show a little longer for ratings, but won’t help you win the competition.
This can be applied to life in general.

2. Being cocky is bound to put you in the Bottom Two for elimination at the end of an episode.
This can be applied to life in general.

3.  Screaming like a madwoman will only work for a few minutes; then you’ll get tired and so will everyone else.
I’m asking as a woman: why must women scream so much?? I know they’re excited, but… *headache*

4. We all just want to hear those 12 magic words: “You are still in the running to becoming America’s Next Top Model.”
What, I’m not even a semi-finalist? *tears*

5. Tyra Banks is looking more and more like a drag queen.
‘Nuff said.

What have you learned from ANTM? And don’t pretend all like you ain’t seen it, now.

Monopoly
What: A classic board game where you choose a figure (boot, car etc) and make your way around the board trying to buy London suburbs and build on them, while occasionally being forced to pay up if you land on someone else’s property or pick up unexpected tax bills. OR suddenly being sent to jail.
How: Generally it was clear after about the fifth throw of the dice who was going to win. The rest was either a smooth path to riches or a bumpy ride to bankruptcy.
Me: If I was winning, I was so benevolent. I’d loan money to my struggling co-players and let them skip the odd rent payment. If losing however, I’d sulk, and there were times I’d flip the board over, sending game pieces flying everywhere, and stalk off in a huff, much to everyone’s justified annoyance.

Game of Life
What: A deathly dull game which involved lots of paperwork: insurance, bonds, lotteries etc as you made your way through different life stages on the board with the spin of a wheel.
How: The aim was to make money and have a prestigious career, family etc, if you could be bothered.
Me: I skipped about 90% of the paperwork and just moved around the board having babies and inheriting fortunes.

What board games did you play as a kid? What did they teach you for ‘real life’?

The reason I mention it is that King Henry probably wanted to be remembered as a brave, noble king who excelled at hunting (animals, not just women). Instead, he is remembered in sensationalist tabloid style as a saggy, syphilis-addled tyrant who chopped some of his wives’ heads off, divorced others and changed religions to suit his marital whims.

Likewise, in more modern times, Britney Spears probably wants to remembered as good Mom and performer, but at the rate she is going will be remembered as a flaky, lip-syncing ditz who shaves her head and regularly emerges from cars sans lingerie. Amazingly, it is reported that despite doing almost nothing recently she still rakes in over $700K a month. And she is currently #2 in today’s Google searches for the aforementioned disastrous MTV performance.

So is being remembered for seemingly negative things better than not being remembered at all? Is bad publicity better than no publicity? What say you?

Public figures always have some kind of lessons we can translate into blogging. What can we learn from Mr Loaf?

1. Have a name that stands out. Meat Loaf was a brave choice. No competition for it, either.

2. You don’t need to be beautiful to be a superstar. In his music videos Meat Loaf surrounds himself with beautiful women, but is he beautiful? Nope.

3. Less is more. Meat Loaf has only recorded a handful of albums, but Bat out of Hell I and II were huge.

4. More is more. His songs and videos are overblown and epic, with enormous titles (eg. Objects In The Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are and I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That). What was ‘that’ anyway? The dishes?

He also diversified into acting, including a memorable role in Fight Club as the well-endowed (in the chest area) Bob.

5. Share life lessons and emotions. Need I mention Objects In The Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are again? Very informative. And Two Out Of Three Ain’t Bad (which goes “I want you, I need you, but there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you…”) – you’ve got a heart of stone if that one doesn’t make you weep into your meatloaf.